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Silence



There is so much to say that my words have gone silent. I cannot express it. I cannot feel it. I cannot make you understand. I cannot. I just can't. 

But, my love! 

You can hear my silence, can't you? You say you know me. You say you are aware of all the things I have been through. You say it. You say all those sweet words. But my dear, when I dive deep into the darkness, I don't find you there. When I am at my lowest, why I don't find you there? 
Why there are only words and no actions? Why do I have to shed my tears alone? Why I don't find you beside me? Why your love is void of emotions? Why can't you feel me? 

This contrast in your words and actions makes me realize that I'm hard to love. Hard to assemble. Hard to teach. Hard to comfort.

Light can't love darkness. Sadness can't be a friend of happiness. Like that, you can't be me.  

My love, I can't make you understand why I love Kafka. Why do I listen to music that rips my heart? Why did I delete all my posts? And why do I have only two friends? I can't make you understand all these things. And I don't want to...

I don't want you to be like me. I love you as you are. I don't want you to listen to sad music. I love your colours, your smile, your laugh, everything. 

But my love,

Will you ever acknowledge my anxiety, stress, and depression? Will you help me? Will you try to 
comfort me when my hands are trembling? Will you let me scream? Will you love me at my lowest? Will you? 

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Comments

  1. L7November 17, 2023 at 10:08 PM

    Love the reference Franz Kafka. Hopefully, your ink style improves over time. I hope all of the above does not represent you personally cause thats definitely a raging battle within. If its all you, then you are bound to find light; as night is darkest before dawn

    ReplyDelete
  2. L7November 17, 2023 at 10:25 PM

    Insha'Allah :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousJanuary 25, 2024 at 8:55 AM

    "Your words are a poignant reflection of the complexities within The way you articulate your emotions is truly profound Your openness is both brave and captivating It's evident that your thoughts are layered and I appreciate the depth you've shared."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. nihilism-thoughtsJanuary 25, 2024 at 9:23 AM

      Thank you very much. Your words mean a lot. I am just trying to discover everything that is out there and within me. :)

      Delete

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