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Showing posts from December, 2023

31st December

  So it's 31st December and a wrap then. I'm glad that I didn't kill myself this year.  There were moments when I wanted to scream, I wanted to shout, I wanted everything to end. And no, it was not because of love. Faiz once said "Zamany main or bhi gham hain Mohabbat ke siva" ( There are other sufferings too in this world besides the agony of love) . In my story, this agony is sadness which I got in heretiance. It is my mind and the voices- the voices that will never let me sleep peacefully. The voices that urge me to leave everything behind. The voices that tell me that I belong to nowhere, nobody. The voices that tell me I don't matter. And sometimes, these voices speak the truth, that we all deny deliberately. Some very dear people went against my wishes this year, didn't meet to my expectations and when I confronted them, they blamed me for overreacting, for not taking things lightly. Yes, I'm a narcissist, if I don't control you, I don't

Goodbye!

I was tired. I was tired of everything. I was tired of telling them how to treat me. I was tired of begging for love. I was tired but no one could see. No one could understand. None could make me happy. I was destroying myself. I no longer wanted to remain in love, or this world or even in my home. I had lost it all but still, I kept on going, hoping that one day, it would be better. One day someone would walk into my life, hold my hands and understand me.... I hoped... But hope is a dangerous thing, it can completely ruin us. Hope is a slow poison and I was no longer interested in poisoning my mind and heart. So I left it behind. After losing it, suddenly all I had was darkness. The world seemed a distant place - a place where I could never be happy. A strange place where I could die in peace but I couldn't live... There was no point in living - with everything happening around the world, my mind was more messy. I could finally understand how the famous artists lose themselves wit

The Insane World

"The Me"      Source: Behance  I am still unable to understand human nature . I do not understand how it works! I have written more than two articles on the duality of man. But in my mind, this desire to be understood is still as fresh as Daisy and guess what I have not found a single person who could understand me. Isn't it crazy?  Or maybe I cannot make anyone understand. Or maybe it is too difficult for me to communicate my feelings and my emotions.  My words just get entangled in my mouth. I cannot speak my mind. I am at a loss for words when it comes to my favourite people and my family.  Then, I read articles - to understand everything a little better - but nothing works. Every single theory is subjective. No person has ever given a comprehensive analysis of human nature except Mr. Robert Greene in his book, " The Laws of Human Nature" , in which he has tried his best to give a thorough explanation of humans and their moods. But that too, without practice

The Unheard Voice

The Unheard       Source: CiRCE Institute  I promised to write an article this week but I'm lost to find words that express my feelings. Many of you recommended me to write on silence . What would be the point of writing on that topic? Silence does not need words, does it?  And currently, there is no one more quieter than I. The time will tell everyone how to keep their mouth shut, eyes closed witness everything - all the negativity - and hope for the best.  So back to the topic, someone texted me last night and inquired about the next blog. Trust me, I'm blank. Currently, I have no philosophy, no life lessons, no motivation to write about anything. So I picked silence because that's what I am practicing nowadays.  Be silent with me. Let's just stay away from the words. Words are confusing and create miscommunication and misunderstanding. Isn't it beautiful to just sit and witness silence - absolute silence? With silence comes wisdom and with wisdom the rationality