Goodbye!

I was tired. I was tired of everything. I was tired of telling them how to treat me. I was tired of begging for love. I was tired but no one could see. No one could understand. None could make me happy. I was destroying myself. I no longer wanted to remain in love, or this world or even in my home. I had lost it all but still, I kept on going, hoping that one day, it would be better. One day someone would walk into my life, hold my hands and understand me.... I hoped...

But hope is a dangerous thing, it can completely ruin us. Hope is a slow poison and I was no longer interested in poisoning my mind and heart. So I left it behind. After losing it, suddenly all I had was darkness. The world seemed a distant place - a place where I could never be happy. A strange place where I could die in peace but I couldn't live... There was no point in living - with everything happening around the world, my mind was more messy. I could finally understand how the famous artists lose themselves with each passing year... 

Everyone around me wanted to be in love - in true love but as far as I could see no one was willing to give a bare minimum of loyalty to their loved ones. The social media had ruined it all. Why would one want to be in a relationship with someone when he/she could find others in a second? And trust me, we all cheat. 

I kept on thinking but then again nothing made sense. Because there was no sense at all. Human nature was created in such a way that it could never be grateful. It wants more and more. And there is no sense in anything... 

Till today, I waited for someone who did not exist in real life. I was still hoping to find that person whom I lost five years ago. A little girl who wanted nothing but love - a parental love that she got only from one person. She moved mountains, she tried but the love that is lost can never be found again. So I hated all the momentary pleasures and chit-chat with some random strangers on social media - it became so boring and exhausting.

Everyone I have ever met, I find them covered in thick layers. Layers of admiration, the layer of deception, the layer of unauthenticity, I have never found someone who is real and natural. It reminds me of Amrita Pritam who once wrote that human beings have layers like onions. Each layer is different but no layer is close to reality. Everything is a façade - a fakeness. 

And when someone becomes real and politely tells them the truth, they suddenly shut their ears because all we want is the "me philosophy". If I tell someone, I am a narcissist, they won't believe me. Isn't it strange?

But again, life is strange so is this world. 2024 is just around the corner and all I can say is that I am lost. Lost more than ever before. With no light in sight. 

Let's end this here by quoting Camus, "Should I kill myself or have a cup of coffee?"