The Insane World

"The Me"    Source: Behance 

I am still unable to understand human nature. I do not understand how it works! I have written more than two articles on the duality of man. But in my mind, this desire to be understood is still as fresh as Daisy and guess what I have not found a single person who could understand me. Isn't it crazy? 

Or maybe I cannot make anyone understand. Or maybe it is too difficult for me to communicate my feelings and my emotions. 

My words just get entangled in my mouth. I cannot speak my mind. I am at a loss for words when it comes to my favourite people and my family. 

Then, I read articles - to understand everything a little better - but nothing works. Every single theory is subjective. No person has ever given a comprehensive analysis of human nature except Mr. Robert Greene in his book, "The Laws of Human Nature", in which he has tried his best to give a thorough explanation of humans and their moods. But that too, without practice, is of no use. And I think I am a bad practitioner. 

Every day I meet people - a lot of them due to my ongoing research project - each person has a story to tell, his perspective, his views, his disappointments, and his happiness. Every single time, his story starts with him and ends with him. There is only "me" in everyone's story and we think that people think or care about us. In the 21st century, no one gives a damn about you and me. Everyone is thinking about himself. Each story starts with them and ends with them. We are not the main character of anyone's story except ourselves. 

Meanwhile, I see various colours of people I am with, the colours that sometimes get bright and sometimes they do not even reflect anything except negativity. Human nature is weird. There is no harmony in it - no sanity. We are driven by emotions. We are emotional animals. We are miles away from rationality. 

Now as I have come out of my comfort zone and have started to interact with people, I can say that Mr. Greene is right. It is because of his book that I am not taking anything personally. If I had, I would not be here.

I think, we all have gone through it - or go through these phases once in a lifetime where our mind gets puzzled in a never-ending maze between company and loneliness. I don't know about you guys but my mind continuously plays these petty mind games with me. One day, I become as disappointed as Kafka and want to write my heart out and the other day I see no hope and want to kill myself as Camus. Isn't it strange? With everything happening in this world and our lives, we have lost the light. And the people tell me to follow this and that. To me, it is all useless. Everything on which we fall back is merely a temporary relief. 

The other day I was reading this news about the suicide of a civil servant - he was my inspiration - and now I am just blank and thinking about what we really need in our lives. We are so uncertain about everything - our jobs, our love, our life and our relationships. Maybe, it is because we have become selfish - that we all have a "me" in ourselves. That's why we do not know what is going on in people's lives, nor do we bother. The main thing is why should we? That's the only reason we should have someone - a real one - with whom we could share everything. But that too, is risky. Everyone thinks that love is the only reason behind a depressive mind. I completely disagree with that. In our personal lives, there are many things which compel us to choose between survival and death. 

In the series "The Hunting of Hill House", there was a dialogue: "Fear is the relinquishment of logic". I totally agree with this. I think we are too afraid to live that depression takes over and it contributes to  the relinquishment of logic and every sane thought. But again, how did this depression start? Does it start with our thoughts? Or our surrondings incite it? Or it is the result of negative people who are in our lives? I leave this to you. 

Even the sane ones do not want to live in this world, let alone us. I wanted to know the reason why many people were so tired of life. I pondered over this. The reason that I have found is a lack of empathy. We preach that we are good human beings - we preach love, kindness, and emotional support. But our actions tell another story. The people we deal with - we do not consider them humans. The one thing that I have observed is the gene of superiority in us. We always want to dominate the others. We want to lead while we have not even fulfilled the duties of a follower. I don't get it, why is that? When we have not successfully passed the first stage, why do we jump to the top? Maybe it is the "me" in all of us that forces us to do this. 

All these thoughts make my belief in nihilism much stronger day by day. The sane mind won't follow the words it preaches, and the other 90 per cent does not know the alpha and omega of sanity. 

Or maybe I am contradictory to my thoughts. Or maybe, I am losing my mind or maybe I have already lost it. Some day, I find hope and the next day there is only darkness. As they say, sane minds do not follow Camus and Kafka. Let's keep the sanity for our next blog and let's meet in the next blog - there is nothing much better than bleeding in ink.

Note: Your comments matter. Keep following. :)

R.