Existential Crisis: Finding Self

Existential Crisis and Blurring of Self

A nihilist must not be finding self but we all are experiencing existential crisis. When the meaning of life and self are not clear, we entangle ourselves in webs of disbelief, in puzzles of finding our pieces one by one by discovering our true selves. Let's start!

Existential Crisis: How do I see myself

This was not the article I intended to post this week, but I changed my mind. The main question is why? Because I realized people can never understand each other. Everything, every opinion, every perspective is different. There are thousands of versions of ourselves. Some people judge me based on my writings, and my posts on Instagram and other social media platforms. My family calls me crazy since I am the most comfortable with them and do the things that no one else can do. My friends see me as someone who is an introvert and so on. How do I see myself? At this point in life, I would say nothing. It has become a story of existential crisis. I think there are thousands of versions of me (self) in this world. With each passing day, this question becomes complex, that is why we are here.

Journey to Self and Buddhism 

People ask me what I am seeking. I am seeking myself, trying to connect myself with the world, universe and most of all with me - the me that I have not come across. For this, I have explored many philosophies but I am at loss. 

The other day someone recommended me to study Buddhism for spiritualism. I tried to study Buddha's philosophy. The common thing in the four noble truths is suffering. The suffering that some might not be ready for. The pain, the agony, the chaos, we all try to avoid. In simple terms the concept of hedonism. We want to maximize pleasure and minimize pain. But I think differently. To me, one's journey starts with pain and completes with the end of suffering. But does the suffering end really? I don't think so. Suffering is necessary, it should not end. Otherwise, the life would be smooth. And we would not experience any emotions except peace. But we are humans we want to experience everything - the joy, the happiness, the sadness, the emptiness, the adrenaline rush, almost everything. But what if I tell you, there is no subject (self), no object but only experience? 

The concept of emptiness

As I was invested in Buddha's philosophy this week. It is a complex theory for me and I am also trying to understand it more and make it easier for you. However, oversimplification ruins the beauty of everything, at least that's what I think. 

Let's elaborate more by discussing the Buddhist concept of sunyata (emptiness). It revolves around the concept that there is no self (subject), and it is only the domino effect, an endless cycle of cause and effect. All the things that we experience are not personal because there is no self. The self as we know it, is our thoughts, mind or body. However, in spiritualism, all the Yogis, and Gurus deny that these things constitute me. There is something that is above these things - some call it a soul. To me, it can never be described by reading or writing. It must be experienced. Even Buddha remained silent when he was asked if the self existed. 

Besides, Nagarjuna, the one who expanded the Buddhist philosophy, adds that there is no object. The things that we are experiencing do not exist. Hence, we do not have a self and objects. Here the theory becomes interesting. Even though there is no you or the things you are experiencing something. We cannot deny that there is no experience since there is something that we all go through, we call it experience. 

Since there is no self, there must not be any emotions not even ego because we do not exist in reality. Everything is just a mere concept. The real self is different from the concept of self that we experience. However, the false self that we experience by associating it with objects does not exist in reality. Hence, our existence is merely a false sense of belonging. 

Here life becomes more interesting. We have this false ego, which I perceive as a veil on our eyes and blinds us from seeing reality. The only reason our ego hurts is because it does not want us to bury itself. Because that's what constitutes us. If we don't have ego, we are not humans. It is the most fragile yet most dangerous thing. 

Let's take an example. If I eat at a fancy restaurant, my ego has convinced me that this is the place where my worth becomes ten times more than my actual worth. But I love eating at Dhabba, yet I cannot eat at a Dhabba, because my ego will not allow me to eat at that kind of hotel. Does it affect me (self as I know it)? The food might be the same in taste, may vary in prices but that's how my ego has made me to serve it rather than me. The ultimate winner in that is my ego. 

Beyond Ego and Existential Crisis

Even though I want to write to much more about it. How it shapes our daily activities, how it shapes our whole personality, how it affects our relations and us. But, I am still learning to understand it better. Only then, I can comment on how can we control it and become our true selves. Till then, we can just write and read about it. Again, everything is merely a concept and not a reality. 

In short, there must not be any suffering, any pain or any ego as we do not exist. We attach a deceptive identity to ourselves and detach from our real selves. The people who ask me what I am seeking. I quest for this to go beyond this myth of self. To find the thing that exists. To find peace, to avoid pleasure, to attain Nirvana, to become my complete self. However, I will not use the word "perfect", since perfection is a myth. Let's just try to find a more logical meaning of life, and ourselves. If you have tried to do so, I am always here to listen to your stories. I will wait for your comments on self-journey of you. 

 

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Author's Note: Due to my busy schedule, I cannot reply to everyone in the DM; hence, I have created a group chat for discussion on Instagram. You can drop a text on Instagram, and I'll add you there.